Behind every working mom going it alone is a good (hopefully) daycare provider. I so seriously lucked out on the fact that my sister watches my kids while I am at work. And while I sleep during the day because I work nights. She is unbelievably amazing, and I know that I am extremely lucky that I have her in my life. But things weren't always so great between us.
My sister, K, is 7 years younger than I am. And for most of my life growing up, we had to share a bedroom. I'll spare you the details on the disaster that was, but suffice it to say that we didn't get along. When I left for the military, she was this scrawny, annoying 11-year old little girl, and I couldn't wait to be rid of her. I'm so not kidding. She was a pain in the a$$, but mostly I was looking forward to having my own room, with my own things, and everything was mine all mine. I remember coming home to visit one time about 3 years later, and it was about that time that I realized what a cool chick she was. She was outgoing, funny, and always down for something ridiculous. She was a pretty neat little sister. And when I was 9 months pregnant with Baby Girl, she agreed to come live with me and watch my kids while I went to nursing school. I truly thought I had it made. A live-in nanny that would love my kids unconditionally, and I didn't have to worry about how my kids were being treated while I was at school. What I didn't count on, was how little we had in common. I have a type-A personality with an extreme neat streak, and she is obnoxiously messy. I wanted the kids to stay clean, and she would get the paint down and let them become little Picassos all over my kitchen. I like cooking, and she is the master of Mac 'n Cheese.
I was stressed, tired, breastfeeding, doing homework, cleaning, and trying to keep up with every day demands of life. She was chill, relaxed, stay-in-your pajamas for days, eat whatever was available, and hooked on VH1 shows. In all reality, we probably wouldn't be friends if we weren't related. But as much as we got on each other's nerves, we really did become friends. We talked about anything and everything, and adapted to each other's crazy quirks. She really was my best friends for those 5 months. Then she left. I missed her like crazy, but I knew she needed to go be a regular teenager, not a cooped-up nanny for my kids.
After I moved down to Texas and got a job, she agreed to watch my kids again while I was at work. I am more than thankful for her every single day. We call her Aunty Nanny, Handy Nanny, Aunty K, Pretend Step-mom, and sister. But the best name I have for her is Friend. She loves my kids like crazy, even when they act like heathens. My daughter is madly in love with her boyfriend, and Punkin-head loves playing with her rambunctious dogs. I can't wait for the Hubs to come home, but for now I love having her be a part of my life and helping to raise the cutest kids in the whole world.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Saturday, April 16, 2011
When Things Aren't So Fabulous
I can't even begin to count how many times people have said to me, "My goodness, you must be pretty busy with a 2 year old, and a 3 year old. " Or, "How do you do it??" The thing is, being a single mom is all I've really known. Sure, the Hubby was here for the first year of Punkin-head's life, but I've been a single mom since before Baby Girl was even born. I don't know what it's like to have someone here to help take care of the kids, so I've learned how to do it all alone. It's not always so great, but it's the only life of mommy-hood I know. And until recently, I think things have been going pretty good.
Having 2 toddlers is a hot mess, and that's on a good day. Throw in potty training a stubborn little girl, cleaning, working, and trying to maintain some level of sanity, and it's really all I can do sometimes to not flip out. I've never been a patient person, but I have become better at letting go of the little things so I don't become so overwhelmed with the day-to-day stressors. The only problem is that maybe I've been letting too many things go. My kids are disciplined, but that doesn't mean they listen very well. And in an effort to not be saying NO all day, every day, I admit that I've become somewhat lax in how I deal with the kids. Only now they are starting to hit that independence phase in toddler-hood, and try to push their limits all of the time. The Hubby called the other night, and I told him, "Listen. I can't do this anymore. I think I've done pretty well with dealing with being a single mom pretty well, but I've really had it. I. CAN'T. DO. THIS. ANYMORE." And he just sat there on the phone in silence because, really, what could he say to that?? I don't know what I wanted him to say, but I didn't want to hear silence, so I just hung up.
I have become the type of mom I swore I never wanted to be. And trying to keep the kids from killing each other and destroying the house is making me more stressed than I've ever been in my entire life. There are some days that I know the day is going to suck as soon as I wake up because of how the kids are acting, which just makes me more stressed about how I'm going to deal with the rest of the day. I'd like to get out and do things with the kids, but I don't think I could handle taking both of them out in public by myself. Plus, they act like heathens whenever we go somewhere, and I don't want to be "that" mom. So for everyone that seems to think I'm not a REAL single mom because I'm married, I've got news for you. My husband is gone. All of the time. How does that NOT make me single mom?? And for the record?? This single mom is over it.
Jen
Having 2 toddlers is a hot mess, and that's on a good day. Throw in potty training a stubborn little girl, cleaning, working, and trying to maintain some level of sanity, and it's really all I can do sometimes to not flip out. I've never been a patient person, but I have become better at letting go of the little things so I don't become so overwhelmed with the day-to-day stressors. The only problem is that maybe I've been letting too many things go. My kids are disciplined, but that doesn't mean they listen very well. And in an effort to not be saying NO all day, every day, I admit that I've become somewhat lax in how I deal with the kids. Only now they are starting to hit that independence phase in toddler-hood, and try to push their limits all of the time. The Hubby called the other night, and I told him, "Listen. I can't do this anymore. I think I've done pretty well with dealing with being a single mom pretty well, but I've really had it. I. CAN'T. DO. THIS. ANYMORE." And he just sat there on the phone in silence because, really, what could he say to that?? I don't know what I wanted him to say, but I didn't want to hear silence, so I just hung up.
I have become the type of mom I swore I never wanted to be. And trying to keep the kids from killing each other and destroying the house is making me more stressed than I've ever been in my entire life. There are some days that I know the day is going to suck as soon as I wake up because of how the kids are acting, which just makes me more stressed about how I'm going to deal with the rest of the day. I'd like to get out and do things with the kids, but I don't think I could handle taking both of them out in public by myself. Plus, they act like heathens whenever we go somewhere, and I don't want to be "that" mom. So for everyone that seems to think I'm not a REAL single mom because I'm married, I've got news for you. My husband is gone. All of the time. How does that NOT make me single mom?? And for the record?? This single mom is over it.
Jen
Monday, April 11, 2011
Birth Plan, Shmirth Plan
Before I even became pregnant, I went to the bookstore and bought a pregnancy book. It was witty, informative and so much fun to read. When I actually got knocked up, I got 2 more books and literally read them front to back multiple times. It was an obsession, and I kept them on my nightstand to read every single night. I practically had all 3 of them memorized. So when it came time to make a birth plan, I thought I was well-informed and ready to have my baby the way I wanted to have him. I researched everything that had to do with the labor process, took a Lamaze/childbirth class, and went with my own instinct before I sat down to write it. I used my best hand-writing and even made 2 copies to take with me to the birthing center.
Cue to the day I went into labor, and I forgot my birth plan at home. I was contracting every 3 minutes, and I truly did not care at that moment what my birth plan was because I was in so much pain. I told my nurse that I wanted to go natural, so she let me get into the tub and used a doppler for my baby's heart beat every 30 minutes. It was fabulous. Then my son's heartbeat starting decreasing after every contraction, so they had me get into bed so they could monitor me more closely. When I got out of the tub, my contractions were so intense, I thought I was going to die. Very literally, I felt like my body was going to rip itself apart. I cried and begged for an epidural, and my nurse finally called the anesthesiologist to come and see me. The epidural is absolutely, 100% the best invention of all time. I didn't care that I didn't follow my birth plan, because in the end, my body knew that I couldn't handle the pain of labor on my own.
Punkin-head's heart rate was going down after every contraction because the cord was tightly wrapped around his little neck twice and it was cutting off his oxygen supply. So the epidural had nothing to do with his medical issues prior to birth. I seriously hate when people give me the stink eye when I talk about the epidural or pain medication. Unless you've been through labor, then you have nothing to compare it to. So don't get on my case for how I chose to handle my pain.
At work, we have to ask the patient if they have a birth plan that they want us to follow. But if they have a birth plan, they will usually let me know as soon as they walk in the door. Most of the time, they're very snippy about it, and it just comes off as condescending and rude. Here's my question for all of the women out there that form a birth plan. I know you researched your butt off, and want the very best for your little baby based on your instinct and your own personal beliefs about the birthing process. But have any of you researched the hospital or birthing center that you plan on delivering at?? Because I have one word for you: POLICIES. Our policies are meant to protect the mom, baby, and the staff for every single thing that could possibly happen during delivery. And let me give you all a little hint: Doctors have lives too. And they have doctors that work on call for them so they don't have to work 24-7, 365 days a year. So before you go getting all birth planny, talk extensively with your doctor, the hospital/birthing center you plan on delivering, and find out what the other doctors/midwives feel about your birth plan. There, birth plan vent over.
Cue to the day I went into labor, and I forgot my birth plan at home. I was contracting every 3 minutes, and I truly did not care at that moment what my birth plan was because I was in so much pain. I told my nurse that I wanted to go natural, so she let me get into the tub and used a doppler for my baby's heart beat every 30 minutes. It was fabulous. Then my son's heartbeat starting decreasing after every contraction, so they had me get into bed so they could monitor me more closely. When I got out of the tub, my contractions were so intense, I thought I was going to die. Very literally, I felt like my body was going to rip itself apart. I cried and begged for an epidural, and my nurse finally called the anesthesiologist to come and see me. The epidural is absolutely, 100% the best invention of all time. I didn't care that I didn't follow my birth plan, because in the end, my body knew that I couldn't handle the pain of labor on my own.
Punkin-head's heart rate was going down after every contraction because the cord was tightly wrapped around his little neck twice and it was cutting off his oxygen supply. So the epidural had nothing to do with his medical issues prior to birth. I seriously hate when people give me the stink eye when I talk about the epidural or pain medication. Unless you've been through labor, then you have nothing to compare it to. So don't get on my case for how I chose to handle my pain.
At work, we have to ask the patient if they have a birth plan that they want us to follow. But if they have a birth plan, they will usually let me know as soon as they walk in the door. Most of the time, they're very snippy about it, and it just comes off as condescending and rude. Here's my question for all of the women out there that form a birth plan. I know you researched your butt off, and want the very best for your little baby based on your instinct and your own personal beliefs about the birthing process. But have any of you researched the hospital or birthing center that you plan on delivering at?? Because I have one word for you: POLICIES. Our policies are meant to protect the mom, baby, and the staff for every single thing that could possibly happen during delivery. And let me give you all a little hint: Doctors have lives too. And they have doctors that work on call for them so they don't have to work 24-7, 365 days a year. So before you go getting all birth planny, talk extensively with your doctor, the hospital/birthing center you plan on delivering, and find out what the other doctors/midwives feel about your birth plan. There, birth plan vent over.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
When I Grow Up...
There were so many times as a teenager that I would think to myself, "You know, I can't wait until I grow up because..." Fill in the blank with so many hopes and dreams of what my life would be like as an adult. Then as I got older, I realized it's not all it's cracked up to be. Being a grown up is freaking hard work, and I wish I had taken more advantage of my youth instead of wishing for something better. Because it's not all better, and I'm starting to realize that the life I so desperately wanted when I was younger is so much more difficult than I built it up to be in my mind.
Here's what I used to say, and how I've realized my own failures and successes along the way:
-I'll have my own place and get to do whatever I want, when I want to do it. Okay, first of all, having my own place is really expensive. So I won't even go into how expensive it is to have TWO places. That's right. I have a house in Ohio that just won't sell, and I'm paying the mortgage on that house every single month. In addition to the house we currently live in, including all of the utilities, groceries, unexpected bills for things that break, not to mention the expense of having 2 children. Being a grown up with my own place costs a lot of money. Which gives me so much more respect for my parents who did it with 4 children living under their roof.
-I'll have my own job, and buy whatever I want. Bwahahahahahaha!! If that's not hilarious, I don't know what is. What I want is some nice new clothes, new furniture, a bigger house, massages and pedicures on a very regular basis, and trips to the hair salon so I can look fabulous all of the time. What I pay for are bills, bills, bills and bills. Which leaves very little for those luxury items. So I have old clothes from 10 years ago, furniture that has markers and food all over it, a sore back, peeling toenail polish, and scraggly hair with major roots.
-I'll have a perfect marriage with well-behaved children. Um, okay. Where to even start with this one?? I've learned that nobody has the "perfect marriage" and my children are only on their best behavior when I bribe them with something. No judgement, I bribe like a pro. My husband and I have gone through so much more in the past 8 years than most people will endure in a lifetime. Between addictions, debt, arguing, growing apart and getting back together, we have struggled to make things work on a daily/weekly/monthly/yearly basis. Our marriage is not happy-go-lucky, but we have both made the decision to make things work. And we're making things work TOGETHER which is the most important part.
So basically what I've learned is that growing up is so much more than getting older. It's finding a balance between life, work and family, and making an effort every day to becoming more mature and emotionally responsible to handle the good with the bad. So I'll fumble through the bad times, and laugh during the good times, so that I can be a happier person when I grow up.
*Check out Diana's confession about her amazing strength following a difficult time...
Here's what I used to say, and how I've realized my own failures and successes along the way:
-I'll have my own place and get to do whatever I want, when I want to do it. Okay, first of all, having my own place is really expensive. So I won't even go into how expensive it is to have TWO places. That's right. I have a house in Ohio that just won't sell, and I'm paying the mortgage on that house every single month. In addition to the house we currently live in, including all of the utilities, groceries, unexpected bills for things that break, not to mention the expense of having 2 children. Being a grown up with my own place costs a lot of money. Which gives me so much more respect for my parents who did it with 4 children living under their roof.
-I'll have my own job, and buy whatever I want. Bwahahahahahaha!! If that's not hilarious, I don't know what is. What I want is some nice new clothes, new furniture, a bigger house, massages and pedicures on a very regular basis, and trips to the hair salon so I can look fabulous all of the time. What I pay for are bills, bills, bills and bills. Which leaves very little for those luxury items. So I have old clothes from 10 years ago, furniture that has markers and food all over it, a sore back, peeling toenail polish, and scraggly hair with major roots.
-I'll have a perfect marriage with well-behaved children. Um, okay. Where to even start with this one?? I've learned that nobody has the "perfect marriage" and my children are only on their best behavior when I bribe them with something. No judgement, I bribe like a pro. My husband and I have gone through so much more in the past 8 years than most people will endure in a lifetime. Between addictions, debt, arguing, growing apart and getting back together, we have struggled to make things work on a daily/weekly/monthly/yearly basis. Our marriage is not happy-go-lucky, but we have both made the decision to make things work. And we're making things work TOGETHER which is the most important part.
So basically what I've learned is that growing up is so much more than getting older. It's finding a balance between life, work and family, and making an effort every day to becoming more mature and emotionally responsible to handle the good with the bad. So I'll fumble through the bad times, and laugh during the good times, so that I can be a happier person when I grow up.
*Check out Diana's confession about her amazing strength following a difficult time...
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Confessions: NOT Mommy of the Year
If my kids knew the words for "Parenting Fail" I'm sure they would say it on a regular basis. I don't try to pretend like I'm the best mom in the world, but I do try to be the best mom for my little kids. And most of the time, I think I'm doing an alright job. Perhaps a B- on the parenting report card. But for the other 30%, I so suck sometimes. In fact, I'm pretty sure it would be a better investment to save for therapy for the kids instead of a college fund. Regardless, let me make a pretty list of the things I sucked at....just this past week:
-Baby Girl has been "potty training" for about 3 months now. She may have been done a little sooner, but I got sick of cleaning puddles off my floor and so I bought a big jumbo box of diapers from Sam's Club. And then I've just been lazy. And now she has a persistent diaper rash. And I am almost out of butt cream for her little tush. And I'm pretty sure that if it gets any worse, she'll probably Google the number for child services herself. Honestly, I need to get it together over here.
-I had to take my son to the ER the other night for a massive splinter that was stuck in his hand. (This was actually a parenting success, because I did what was best for my kid and tried to get the help he needed in a timely manner!!) But I had been at work for 12 hours prior to taking him, and didn't actually get into bed until 1 am. Thus, I spent a good deal of time the next day wonked out on the couch, barely able to keep my eyes open. The kids finally got the big box of Goldfish down from the pantry and asked if they could please have a snack. That's right, I hadn't fed my kids a single thing since breakfast, and it was now 2:30. Super awesome parenting...right here.
-And the biggest one of all, the one I'm most ashamed about, I yell. A lot. Not all day, every day, but it's enough for me to realize that something has got to change. I literally pray about it every.single. night because I don't want my kids to remember me as being the crazy loud mom. I know there's definitely a problem when Punkinhead starts yelling back at me. That is SOOOO not good. Crap.
There you go. All the more reason for other people to feel good about their parenting. You're welcome. I'm here anytime if you need some more warm fuzzies.
Diana at Hormonal Imbalances is on a Confession spree too. Check her out!!
-Baby Girl has been "potty training" for about 3 months now. She may have been done a little sooner, but I got sick of cleaning puddles off my floor and so I bought a big jumbo box of diapers from Sam's Club. And then I've just been lazy. And now she has a persistent diaper rash. And I am almost out of butt cream for her little tush. And I'm pretty sure that if it gets any worse, she'll probably Google the number for child services herself. Honestly, I need to get it together over here.
-I had to take my son to the ER the other night for a massive splinter that was stuck in his hand. (This was actually a parenting success, because I did what was best for my kid and tried to get the help he needed in a timely manner!!) But I had been at work for 12 hours prior to taking him, and didn't actually get into bed until 1 am. Thus, I spent a good deal of time the next day wonked out on the couch, barely able to keep my eyes open. The kids finally got the big box of Goldfish down from the pantry and asked if they could please have a snack. That's right, I hadn't fed my kids a single thing since breakfast, and it was now 2:30. Super awesome parenting...right here.
-And the biggest one of all, the one I'm most ashamed about, I yell. A lot. Not all day, every day, but it's enough for me to realize that something has got to change. I literally pray about it every.single. night because I don't want my kids to remember me as being the crazy loud mom. I know there's definitely a problem when Punkinhead starts yelling back at me. That is SOOOO not good. Crap.
There you go. All the more reason for other people to feel good about their parenting. You're welcome. I'm here anytime if you need some more warm fuzzies.
Diana at Hormonal Imbalances is on a Confession spree too. Check her out!!
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