When I Grow Up...

There were so many times as a teenager that I would think to myself, "You know, I can't wait until I grow up because..." Fill in the blank with so many hopes and dreams of what my life would be like as an adult. Then as I got older, I realized it's not all it's cracked up to be. Being a grown up is freaking hard work, and I wish I had taken more advantage of my youth instead of wishing for something better. Because it's not all better, and I'm starting to realize that the life I so desperately wanted when I was younger is so much more difficult than I built it up to be in my mind.

Here's what I used to say, and how I've realized my own failures and successes along the way:

-I'll have my own place and get to do whatever I want, when I want to do it. Okay, first of all, having my own place is really expensive. So I won't even go into how expensive it is to have TWO places. That's right. I have a house in Ohio that just won't sell, and I'm paying the mortgage on that house every single month. In addition to the house we currently live in, including all of the utilities, groceries, unexpected bills for things that break, not to mention the expense of having 2 children. Being a grown up with my own place costs a lot of money. Which gives me so much more respect for my parents who did it with 4 children living under their roof.

-I'll have my own job, and buy whatever I want. Bwahahahahahaha!! If that's not hilarious, I don't know what is. What I want is some nice new clothes, new furniture, a bigger house, massages and pedicures on a very regular basis, and trips to the hair salon so I can look fabulous all of the time. What I pay for are bills, bills, bills and bills. Which leaves very little for those luxury items. So I have old clothes from 10 years ago, furniture that has markers and food all over it, a sore back, peeling toenail polish, and scraggly hair with major roots.

-I'll have a perfect marriage with well-behaved children. Um, okay. Where to even start with this one?? I've learned that nobody has the "perfect marriage" and my children are only on their best behavior when I bribe them with something. No judgement, I bribe like a pro. My husband and I have gone through so much more in the past 8 years than most people will endure in a lifetime. Between addictions, debt, arguing, growing apart and getting back together, we have struggled to make things work on a daily/weekly/monthly/yearly basis. Our marriage is not happy-go-lucky, but we have both made the decision to make things work. And we're making things work TOGETHER which is the most important part.

So basically what I've learned is that growing up is so much more than getting older. It's finding a balance between life, work and family, and making an effort every day to becoming more mature and emotionally responsible to handle the good with the bad. So I'll fumble through the bad times, and laugh during the good times, so that I can be a happier person when I grow up.

*Check out Diana's confession about her amazing strength following a difficult time...