I can't even begin to count how many times people have said to me, "My goodness, you must be pretty busy with a 2 year old, and a 3 year old. " Or, "How do you do it??" The thing is, being a single mom is all I've really known. Sure, the Hubby was here for the first year of Punkin-head's life, but I've been a single mom since before Baby Girl was even born. I don't know what it's like to have someone here to help take care of the kids, so I've learned how to do it all alone. It's not always so great, but it's the only life of mommy-hood I know. And until recently, I think things have been going pretty good.
Having 2 toddlers is a hot mess, and that's on a good day. Throw in potty training a stubborn little girl, cleaning, working, and trying to maintain some level of sanity, and it's really all I can do sometimes to not flip out. I've never been a patient person, but I have become better at letting go of the little things so I don't become so overwhelmed with the day-to-day stressors. The only problem is that maybe I've been letting too many things go. My kids are disciplined, but that doesn't mean they listen very well. And in an effort to not be saying NO all day, every day, I admit that I've become somewhat lax in how I deal with the kids. Only now they are starting to hit that independence phase in toddler-hood, and try to push their limits all of the time. The Hubby called the other night, and I told him, "Listen. I can't do this anymore. I think I've done pretty well with dealing with being a single mom pretty well, but I've really had it. I. CAN'T. DO. THIS. ANYMORE." And he just sat there on the phone in silence because, really, what could he say to that?? I don't know what I wanted him to say, but I didn't want to hear silence, so I just hung up.
I have become the type of mom I swore I never wanted to be. And trying to keep the kids from killing each other and destroying the house is making me more stressed than I've ever been in my entire life. There are some days that I know the day is going to suck as soon as I wake up because of how the kids are acting, which just makes me more stressed about how I'm going to deal with the rest of the day. I'd like to get out and do things with the kids, but I don't think I could handle taking both of them out in public by myself. Plus, they act like heathens whenever we go somewhere, and I don't want to be "that" mom. So for everyone that seems to think I'm not a REAL single mom because I'm married, I've got news for you. My husband is gone. All of the time. How does that NOT make me single mom?? And for the record?? This single mom is over it.
Jen
Ok, now my account is working! 1st, whoever said you aren't a single mom is currently awaiting an express a$$ kicking via mail. I wasn't aware that we had 'qualifiers' on single parenting -- but if we do? I'm *pretty* sure that parenting/working/cleaning/paying bills/etc/etc while your spouse is GONE for months and months and months QUALIFIES. Morons.
ReplyDelete2nd, my kids are heathens. All 3 of them. Ask Diana. She hears them when we're on the phone. And I used to be afraid of taking them out, as well, b/c I'd become lax on disipline b/c of my depression. But when I kept the kids home they destroyed what progress I managed to make on the house, were bored and IN MY FACE, and I was bored. So I packed them and a ton of food up, took them to places where I didn't know people (so I could be 'that' mom), got my Starbucks on and let them wear themselves out. They'd get filthy, the house wouldn't, we'd go home, I'd hose them off and we'd call it good. And we have had to visit 'boot camp' here in our house b/c of my need to get through a day before. And we still revisit boot camp about once a week. I think it sounds like you are doing an amazing job. You're frustrated and you have every right to be. I, for one, am so grateful for what you and your husband are doing.
((hugs)) People are stupid sometimes. You are a single mom in my book.
ReplyDeleteThe past few weeks I've felt like a complete failure on the mom end. I've been sick, so has Bella, we both are done being stuck inside on cold days, it's boring, I'm not the greatest at "playtime". I'm over it and wish Sam was here.
Anyway, I get it. To a small degree.